It is normal to feel angry because generally the reason for anger is out of our control. But it is not necessary to get angry when that is in our control. When things do not work out as one wants, when the other people do not respond as one wants, when someone hurts one’s precious prestige, one does feel angry.
But why vent that anger? How does one express anger? By shouting or by hitting out. It takes too many nerves and too much energy to get angry and shout. Moreover, see what it does to the face. If we see our faces in the mirror while we are angry, we will probably stop being angry. The face is distorted by anger. Nothing in the features and complexion is left that can be called beautiful. The lips snarl. The eyes pucker. The face contorts. The complexion becomes red and purple which are not gainly shades. The red is not the same as the pretty pinkish red when one blushes.
And then we splutter when we are angry. We are not able to pronounce the words carefully and afterwards we keep realizing that this is what we should have said and this is what we shouldn’t have said. And then we regret the cruel words that one wishes one could call back. The barbs one wishes to recall after saying it unthinkingly at the spontaneous burst when hitting out is more important than discretion. Because anger makes one lose control over oneself.
Generally we like to be in control but when we are angry we lose our reasoning power. We lose our humanity and kindness. We can do things when we are angry that we would shudder at in normal circumstances.
We kick, we bite we snarl, we hammer, we can kill too. Anger brings out bestiality and kills all that is soft and tender. Why make ourself expend so much energy as well as spoil our own balance by getting angry? But we do it. We get angry.
At times the stimulus and the response are not in tandem. The ways to express anger can be many. One person may bang the door while another may close it quietly but go away with venom in the heart. Because those who are the preys of anger also get angry. They can’t tolerate a hit at their prestige and so enmity is excited.
So anger achieves nothing but enemies. The fact that one person got angry meant that he could not forgive and forget. The recipient of the anger also cannot forget and forgive and then starts animosity, enemity, revenge and hatred.
All these are negative emotions that corrode the body, heart and mind of human beings. So why nurture them? Why not try to forget the cause of anger? Why not try to stop from reacting? Why not try to forgive the reason for the anger?
If you cannot, then why become a beast while expressing anger? One can still be firm that will be more effective than shouting.
Mothers also have reason to be angry because they have a tough time with their children because, in the process of learning, children do violate discipline. Now, if the mother shouts, after a time, the child becomes used to the shouting and shouting becomes ineffective.
The same goes for beating. Often, students who are beaten by their teachers become immune to slaps and just grin while the teacher is expending his energy in beating them.
If a mother keeps her ‘cool’ despite being angry, she can think out how to tackle her child. She can speak in a firm voice and say that his or her behaviour was unacceptable and ask the child to mend his or her ways.
The right way for the mother is to let the child know that there is a limit to what she can endure and that when she means stop, it means stop or the kid may be punished. This anticipation of punishment is more fearsome and is more effective than actually punishing the child.
When one starts at the bottom of the musical scale, then one has the choice of climbing higher to the higher notes. But if one starts at the highest note, where will the voice go? The same goes about one’s anger.
If you start from the lowest you can speak higher and louder. But when you start at the highest and loudest, you might burst your own vein. Often, people who suffer high blood pressure feel anger quickly but, if they get angry, they can get higher blood pressure. so it is better to react patiently and slowly raise one’s voice than shout from the beginning. Outshouting others can give you momentary satisfaction of a revenge well taken, but it hardly achieves anything substantial.
It is possible to quell anger. One should wait for some time before reacting to a given stimulus. The old cliche of counting up to 10 is really effective. One can try to understand the other’s point of view. Then one will not feel so easily affronted by what the other person has said or done. One can increase one’s confidence.
Those who are really confident, don’t get affected by what other people may say. They know what they are and it does not matter if someone’s opinion is different about them.
But unconfident people and women mostly are very easily touched to the quick by what people say and then they get angry. This is because emotions surmount logic. Becoming reasonable and logical can help in curbing anger.
Moreover, one should be ready to accept that human nature is fallible. If one feels that one can make mistakes and it does not need condemnation, then there will be less cause for anger towards oneself. If one thinks that others can make mistakes and accept that gracefully, then the violence of anger may be less because tolerance will be sharper. So an exercise of patience and tolerance will help in preventing the expression of anger.
Breathing deeply does calm the mind and when the mind is calm it is easier to control the mind from a futile exhibition of anger. Yoga and meditation allow the mind to be cool and tranquil also and prevent undue hassles of anger venting.
An attitude of taking life as it comes makes a person more adept at quelling anger. When we expect life to be problematic, then we will not feel angry when life does not behave properly. So we should have a readiness to believe that bad things can happen to us. At times trying to suppress anger may be harmful because a person may seethe and carry the poison within. So it is best not to react at the moment but talk about the cause of anger in a rational and peaceful frame of mind.
We can be quietly expressive of anger also. For instance, two people are fighting. Both are angry. One is shouting but the other does not raise his voice. Then it would be felt by all the listeners and onlookers that the one who is shouting may be the real culprit who started the fight in the first place whereas it could be that the person who has a lower sound to his voice, may be the real culprit as, in a soft voice, he may be insulting, instigating the other man to a strong reaction. Whatever the anger quotient of a human being, anger is a disease that can cause a person to become sick.
So it is imperative that people try to distance themselves from getting angry or expressing anger. If it festers in the heart and mind, one can first calm down and then talk out the person who is the cause of the anger.
A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
‘Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?’
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’
The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
He looked at his disciples and said.
‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’
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