Thoughts

35 ways to make lasting friends

Here is a list of 35 ways of creating and cultivating lasting friendships.

1.Know yourself. In order to make friends, we need to know who we are. You may want to check out this article and work out what is special about you. If you are not clear on what your life purpose is, these questions will help you.

2. Check whether you really want to have friends. If you’re secretly afraid of people, or don’t trust other, you will find it difficult to make friends.

3. Spend time around people. You can’t find friends in the cupboard.

4. Be kind. Look at what you can do for other to make their life easier.

5. Be steady and dependable. Be a friend one can count on.

6. Be genuine. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. Friendship is built on honesty.

7. Join groups and pursue activities that you enjoy. You are more likely to find friends who have common interests.

8. When travelling, talk to everyone you meet. This advice was given to me by my son Sebastian and I’ve made wonderful friendships following it.

9. Become a volunteer. You’ll find people who have a similar set of values which is a great basis for a friendship.

10. Talk to people. You’ll spend a lot of time in groups without making friends if you don’t talk with people.

11. Make eye contact and smile when you communicate people.

12. Be positive. If you only talk negatively about yourself, others, or life in general, people will not enjoy your company.

13. Remember names. If you find that difficult, ask the person again until you’ve really got it.

14. Initiate a get-together. If you meet someone you like, ask them out for a coffee or arrange another meeting. An easy way to do that is to say something like: A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Well, I’ve got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address."

15. Find common interests. Ask how he or she pursues their interest. Are they a member of a club or society? Express an interest in joining.

16. Tell your friend that you enjoy their company. Many friendships are lost because neither person finds the courage to express their interest.

17. Beware of sexual flings with friend. Many friendships don’t survive it.

18. Be glad for your friends successes. Be the only person they can tell how well they’re doing.

19. Don’t compromise your values. Keep you standards of morality and behaviour and don’t change them just to fit in with friend or a group.

20. Don’t gossip. If a new friend hears you revealing personal stories of others, he or she will be wary of your discretion.

21. Ask the other person open-ended questions about their life. Open-ended questions are ones that can’t be answered by saying ‘yes’, or ‘no’.

22. Share more deeply with a friend. Let them know what your life feels like. This is key difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

23. Keep the sharing equal. Don’t hog the time with your problems.

24. Have even roles in the relationship. If you notice that you are always the listener and she the star.

25. Switch roles regularly in your friendships. If there is one who always calls the shots, the friendship won’t last.

26. Listen to your friend. Listening is the number one glue of friendships.

27. Keep confidences. Nothing kills a budding friendship faster than spilled secrets.

28. Allow your friend to help you. Give and take has to be balanced in a friendship.

29. Share the bad times. Help your friend when things go bad. Allow your friends to help you when times are difficult.

30. Keep contact. Check in regularly with your friend. A short text message, email or phone call keeps a friendship alive.

31. Don’t crowd your friend. Make sure you don’t overwhelm — or even stalk — him or her.

32. Share bonding activities. Have some adventures together and play together. To foster long-lasting friendships, create common memories.

33. Keep talking through difficult times. Don’t let disagreements fester.

34. If there is a rift, apologize for the hurt you caused. It’s more important to keep your friendship going than to be ‘right’.

35. If a friendship is damaging your life or your family relationships, you may need to let it go. This can be a difficult decision. Weigh up how important this friendship is for you against the disturbance it brings into your life.

Source/Courtesy: posted by Mary Jaksch on ibnlive

Quote of the Day

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life – J. Krishnamurti

Randomness

Here are the rules and then on to the random fun!

• Link to the person who tagged you
• Post the rules to your blog
• Write 4 random things about yourself.
• Tag 2-5 people at the end of your post and link to them
• Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
• Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Sadly the person who tagged me does not have a blog that I can link to

randomness #1
This has to be on the top of the list. I hate formal clothes. For some reason, I feel very awkward in it, that like a girl I would constantly check myself to make sure its all ok

randomness #2
I do not get angry that easily. Only when something goes real wrong or someone pisses me off very much, that I show my anger. But I just shout at them or walk away from the spot and vent out the rage on my mobile phone or anything that’s close by .

randomness #3
one of my favorite things to do is spend time in a coffee shop or sit in the beach watching the waves/sunset – either alone or with a friend. But off late I have been spending far more time alone . Either people don’t want to come out or I have only a few friends who have been bugged and annoyed a lot by me .

randomness #4
I am a very simple person with simple thoughts and a no nonsense approach to life .

That’s it.

2 people I am going to tag are

Psychedelic

Obscurity Speaks

Heart vs Mind

One of the things that I strongly believe is, in order to understand the world better I must first understand myself. There are a lot of times when I have questioned myself as to why I am certain things and why I am not doing others. It is easy for me to ignore all these and just shrug my shoulders and say  “this is what I am” – an unstable brat who does not know what he is doing.

The fact is whatever I have done so far is not out of instinct or out of arrogance (whatever you want to call it). Any thing I have done is only after thinking about it and only, I repeat, only when my heart says yes to it.

Human mind is like a monkey. It can jump anytime, anywhere without any control. That’s why I do not trust my mind and instead trust what my heart says . It might sound a bit strange, but the fact is the shortest way to happiness is doing what your heart wants you to do rather than allowing the mind.

Generally speaking, for most people it will make much more sense to lead from their mind in their business lives. This is primarily because the priorities of most businesses (maximizing profits, niche marketing, strategic planning, etc.) are best accomplished from strategies that are developed from your mind.

On the other hand, leading from your heart will make your life more peaceful and fulfilling. Generally speaking, it is the superior choice for your personal life if things like peace, purpose, fulfillment, and inspiration are important to you.

Money is required to lead a life. But so far I have never run behind it nor allowed it take “control” of my life. What I have is sufficient for my life style. Once I let my mind take control, sadly everything else takes a back seat – relationships, health, social life etc.. etc… I get turned into a machine out to achieve a certain goal and it means losing a lot of other things. In my quest to earn more and more, I would simply forget to live and repent for it at a later point in life when it is of no use trying to live again.

The great thing about listening to my heart is I never have to fight my emotions. Instead I embrace the very emotions that define me as an individual. If something feels right, I go ahead and do it else I do not . In this way, there is no second thought on what I have done is right or wrong, simply because my heart knows what is right for me in any moment based on my emotional needs, body needs etc…  Ofcourse, this means I live a simple life where happiness, peace and love means a lot to me than money. If you have not figured it out, I listen to my heart  .

Ofcourse there are times when the heart is wrong and the mind is right. But ultimately it all boils down to one single thing – when to listen to the heart and when to listen to the mind. Once you figure this out, life will be very simple.

When I started to write this one, I remembered this story of “The Businessman and the Fisherman”.

What do you really hope to achieve in life? Read this story and you may find what you are always hoping to achieve, you may be already having it.

There was once an American businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Mexican village. As he sat, he saw a Mexican fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught quite a number of big fishes that is known to be a delicacy. The American was really impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fishes?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and you could catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

The fisherman simply does not agree. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” he says.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fishes, then I would go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I will take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I will join my buddies in the village for a drink, we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night. My days are ever so complete and carefree.”

The businessman does not agree with his way of life and offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a PhD holder graduated from Harvard University, specializing in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you have to spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fishes as possible. And when you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fishes. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own. Soon you will be able to set up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors. At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to Mexico City, and then expand your operation to LA, and finally to New York City, where you can set up your HQ to manage all your other branches.”

The fisherman asks, “So, how long would that take?”

The businessman reply, “About 15 to 20 years.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning and catch a few fishes, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

So, what does one really hope to achieve in life? Do we really need to work so hard in life? What do you hope to accomplish in the end?

Quote of the day

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.

- Joan D. Vinge

Know Your Strength for More Success: Are you a Connector, a Maven, or a Salesman?

Originally posted in Stepcase Lifehack by Mary Jaksch

In his book “The Tipping Point”, Malcolm Gladwell describes three different types of people, Connectors, Mavens, and Salesmen.

Which are you?

Connectors are people specialists.

The following questions will help you decide whether you are a Connector:

1. Do you know a lot of people?
2. Do you like people?
3. Do you tend to remember peoples’ names?
4. Do you enjoy going to parties and meeting new people?
5. Do you collect acquaintances?

If you answered ‘yes’ to four or five of these questions, you are a Connector.

The strength of Connectors is that they know and keep in touch with many people.

They also tend to associate with other Connectors. Because of their rich network of friends and acquaintances, Connector are trendsetters. The upside of a Connector is that he or she is able to create and maintain long-lasting friendships. The downside is that Connectors can be dazzled by their vast collection of acquaintances, without investing in real friendships. Gladwell explains:

Connector are people who link us up with the world. People with a special gift for bringing the world together.

The power of Social Media on the Internet is the power of connectors. Power-users of StumbleUpon or Digg are Connectors. They can make or break the success of a blogpost because they are people specialists who cultivate a network of online friends.

Mavens are information specialists.

They are the ones who tell Connectors about what’s hot. They always have the newest inside scoops on gadgets and specials. The upside of Mavens is that they amass a vast store of knowledge and are eager to share it with others. The downside is that Mavens can sometimes be a bit geeky and awkward around people.

Here are some questions that will help you decide whether you are a Maven:

1. Do you enjoy reading junkmail?
2. Do you seek out the specials in your local supermarket?
3. Do you tend to watch trends and know what’s ‘in’?
4. Do you study the market before buying a new gadget?
5. Do you tell your friends about special deals?

If you said ‘yes’ to four or five of these questions, you are a Maven.

Mavens want to educate, not to sell.

They take delight in finding out the special deals that will save them money. And they are interested in new technology. They are the ones on the Internet who are the first to investigate new software, or a new laptop or mobile phone. And they don’t keep what they find to themselves. They publish articles about their findings or let their socia media friends know what they think.

Salesmen are charismatic.

They are able to build instant rapport with another person and gain their trust.  That Salesmen are able to build rapport implies that they can tune in to others. But there is also another dimension: others find it easy to tune into the emotions of Salesmen. Gladwell explains that some people are very good at expressing emotions and feelings, which means that they are much more ’socially contagious’ than others.

Here are some questions that will help you find out if you are a salesman:

1. Do you find it difficult to sit still when hearing good dance music?
2. Do you have a loud laugh?
3. Do you touch friends when you talk with them?
4. Are you good at seduction?
5. Do you like being the center of attention?

If you answered ‘yes’ to four or five of these questions, you are a Salesman.

Salesmen make good politicians, spiritual teachers and pastors, and, well…salespeople. Salesmen are larger than life and can make others feel good with their high spirits. The downside of salesmen is that they can be dangerous if they use their charisma in order to manipulate others.

Are you a Connector, a Maven, or a Salesman?

Maybe the results aren’t clear cut? Most of us have some talent in all three areas. But there will be one area where you have answered most answers with ‘yes’. That is your primary orientation.

Now let’s take a look at what to do with this knowledge. How can knowing whether you are a Connector, a Maven, or a Salesman improve your life?

There are two basic schools of thought in the world of personal growth. One is that one should work on one’s weak sides in order to prosper. The other is that one should accept one’s weaknesses gracefully and focus on developing one’s strength. I tend to agree with the second strategy. For example, I pour my energy into becoming a better writer, instead of taking up painting – which is one of my talent wastelands.

The strategy of enhancing our talents means that we should foster the strength we have as a Connector, a Maven, or a Salesman.

• As a Connector we can focus on connecting others with each other, as well as creating groups where people feel at home.
  .
• As a Maven, we can focus on sharing our information with others so that they can benefit from our research.
  .
• As a Salesman, we can focus on making others happy with our good cheer.

What is your experience of being a Connector, Maven, or Salesman?

Originally posted in Stepcase Lifehack by Mary Jaksch

Accidental Techie

Continuing with the newly found “desire” to write more about non-tech stuff, this is a rewind to the past that only a few actually know about.

Many people assume that I have always wanted to be a computer geek/techie. Sadly that is not the case at all. Computers happened by accident, better still, my attempt at doing something that I wanted did not materialize.

Right after school when I wasn’t sure of what to do (like almost everyone else), I decided to become a Chef!  It might sound very strange and surprising, but that’s the fact. Along with one of my best buddy, we applied for a course in Food and Catering Technology. As fate/luck (whatever you want to call it ), I did not get through the entrance exams and had to opt for computers.

But, my association with food did not end right there. Immediately after the first semester of my Masters, I got a part-time job with one of UK’s top Fresh/Food retailer. And that kick-started the whole thing once again. From being a part-time staff, in less than 4 months, I was promoted as the Assistant Manager for one of their biggest retail units in the whole of SE England. For the next 2-3 years, computers just became an hobby, something that I did only in the evenings or during the weekends. While I did get to become a “proper chef”, I was still into food .

Still, I did not let go of what I had studied. I made sure, even though, I did not practice it fully, I kept myself in the loop and in touch with all things related to building/maintaining web sites.

That came in handy, when due to various reasons, I came back to computers in late 2005 and the rest, as they say, is history .

While there are no plans to leave computers and go back to food again, I still get to enjoy the best of both worlds . My penchant for good food and desire to be associated with food made me create a web site on what is considered to be one of the world’s most diverse cuisines.

The journey is not over yet and for now, it still goes on mixing food with technology!

Balancing yesterday, today and tomorrow

written by SWAMI SUKHABODHANANDA for Times of India’s Speaking Tree Column

Do we have likes and dislikes or do likes and dislikes have us? As unconscious beings, likes and dislikes control our lives. Conscious beings are masters of likes and dislikes. When likes and dislikes are under your control, they will serve you.

It is wrong to say that we have to live only in the present. One needs to consider time as past, present and future. Some people operate from the past. Some are future-oriented and so they mostly operate from the future and some are presentoriented . To be wise involves balancing the three time periods… when required you have to take reference from the past or consider the future. Hence balancing time is very essential.

Do not reject the past or future. Also do not live only in the past or future. Learn from the past, enjoy the present and plan for the future. Be present in the past and thereby learn from the past, be present in the future, thereby plan for the future. Being alive in the present, you will enjoy the present.

It is said that, one of the reasons Hitler lost the war was because he did not learn from history. He attacked Russia in winter. Had he learnt from history, he would have known that Napoleon had lost many of his men by attacking Russia in winter.

One can learn from the past as well as from the future taking care not to be imprisoned by both. Similarly, while planning for the future, do not lose the present and miss the wisdom of the past or the opportunities in the future. Hence, one needs to be balanced with reference to time.

Decide on your priorities in life. Prioritise your priorities. Establish your peak performance time during a day. Monitor your low performance time. Do any important task at your peak performance time. Do any less important task at your low performance time. Identify your time wasters. Learn to delegate work.

Enjoy your work and you will find there is a lot of time. Review your priorities from time to time. Be with people who are good at time management. Just as the past was the present at one point of time, the future will also be the present at another point of time. So be present in the past and also be present in the future. Therefore, the present is more real.

One hour. One hour has 60 minutes. A minute has 60 seconds. Further, break down the second and still further, the present will lose itself into ‘is-ness’ . Time will melt into timelessness . Use time to go beyond time.

Within us, there is a dimension of time and beyond time. We live in two worlds, a world of the mind, which is in time and a world beyond the mind that is timelessness. When we are in sleep or in samadhi, we go beyond mind and experience timelessness.

One should have the wisdom to use the mind and the wisdom to go beyond the mind. In a state of deep joy, we are beyond our minds. Mind is a bundle of thoughts. More than heart attacks, we suffer from thought attacks.

When thoughts attack us, we become victims of thoughts. It is like employing someone and then being thrashed by him. You should be the master of the mind rather than the mind being your master. You should use the mind rather than let the mind use you. The very intention to be the master of the mind will give you the wisdom of how to use the mind.

Some nice quotes

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark

“Vivre sans reve, qu’est ce? (What is life without a dream?)” – Poet and playwright Edmond Rostand (1868 – 1918)

“It is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not” – Andre Gide

“In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.” – Anonymous

“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get” – Dale Carnegie

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away” – Anonymous

“It doesn’t matter if you try and try and try again, and fail. It does matter if you try and fail, and fail to try again” – Charles Kettering

“You aren’t wealthy until you have something that money can’t buy” – Garth Brooks

My favorite:

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down” – Oprah Winfrey

“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” – Anonymous

How to Become a Leader

Becoming the leader of a project, group or business is very thrilling. You get to make the decisions, help more people, earn more pay and have more fun. The technology described in this article outlines exactly how you can do this.

“The points are K for KNOWLEDGE, R for RESPONSIBILITY and C for CONTROL.”

Examples

For example, when Joe makes a mistake, he hits the car part with his tool. When Terry makes a mistake, he slows down, adjusts the tool and carefully does the work again. He increases his control.

At 5:00 each night, Joe puts down his tools and walks out the door to get a beer. Terry cleans up his area, oils his tools and puts them away. He increases his responsibility.

During the weekends, Joe watches football while Terry reads auto repair magazines and shop manuals. He increases his knowledge.

Joe gets frustrated when he can’t pay his bills, can’t get along with his wife and can’t get ahead at his job. He complains about all the losses he has had in life to his buddies at the bar every night.

Terry also gets frustrated, but he ignores the losses and rarely talks about them. Instead, he makes his wins firm by sharing them with his family and friends and looks for new ways to succeed.

When Dan, the owner of the shop, decides to add a partner to his business, who does he choose?

Who are the most successful people you personally know? How much knowledge, responsibility and control do they have in their fields?

How often do they increase their knowledge? Their responsibility? Their control?

Do they talk about their failures or their successes?

To become a leader and achieve success, just remember these five things: increase knowledge, increase responsibility, increase control, ignore losses and solidify wins.

Recommendations

1. Decide on the group or project that you want lead. If you are not yet a part of that activity, take a small position in that group or project.

2. Increase your knowledge: Learn more about the activity than anyone. Do more research than anyone. Figure out more innovative solutions than anyone.

3. Increase your responsibility: Be a great supporter to the current leader. Volunteer to do extra work and take on extra duties with no pay. Consider the success of the project or group to be your personal responsibility.

4. Control: Invest more time and interest in the activity than anyone else. Take control of every aspect of the project or group, when the opportunity presents itself.

5. Losses: Do not dwell on any failures, regrets or mistakes you encounter. Fix them, when possible, but otherwise, ignore them.

6. Wins: Focus on your successes each day. Write them down, think about them and talk about them. Make them a permanent part of your life.

7. Because you have the most knowledge and responsibility for the success of the project, an opportunity to take control of the project or group will eventually appear. When this happens, do not hesitate. Take the reins!