In the 1960s, a Stanford professor named Walter Mischel began conducting a series of important psychological studies.
During his experiments, Mischel and his team tested hundreds of children — most of them around the ages of 4 and 5 years old — and revealed what is now believed to be one of the most important characteristics for success in health, work, and life.
Let’s talk about what happened and, more importantly, how you can use it.
The Marshmallow Experiment
The experiment began by bringing each child into a private room, sitting them down in a chair, and placing a marshmallow on the table in front of them.
At this point, the researcher offered a deal to the child.
The researcher told the child that he was going to leave the room and that if the child did not eat the marshmallow while he was away, then they would be rewarded with a second marshmallow. However, if the child decided to eat the first one before the researcher came back, then they would not get a second marshmallow.
So the choice was simple: one treat right now or two treats later.
The researcher left the room for 15 minutes.
As you can imagine, the footage of the children waiting alone in the room was rather entertaining. Some kids jumped up and ate the first marshmallow as soon as the researcher closed the door. Others wiggled and bounced and scooted in their chairs as they tried to restrain themselves, but eventually gave in to temptation a few minutes later. And finally, a few of the children did manage to wait the entire time.
Published in 1972, this popular study became known as The Marshmallow Experiment, but it wasn’t the treat that made it famous. The interesting part came years later.
The Power of Delayed Gratification
As the years rolled on and the children grew up, the researchers conducted follow up studies and tracked each child’s progress in a number of areas. What they found was surprising.
The children who were willing to delay gratification and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up having higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, lower likelihood of obesity, better responses to stress, better social skills as reported by their parents, and generally better scores in a range of other life measures. (You can see the follow-up studies here, here, and here.)
The researchers followed each child for more than 40 years and over and over again, the group who waited patiently for the second marshmallow succeed in whatever capacity they were measuring. In other words, this series of experiments proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life.
And if you look around, you’ll see this playing out everywhere…
- If you delay the gratification of watching television and get your homework done now, then you’ll learn more and get better grades.
- If you delay the gratification of buying desserts and chips at the store, then you’ll eat healthier when you get home.
- If you delay the gratification of finishing your workout early and put in a few more reps, then you’ll be stronger.
… and countless other examples.
Success usually comes down to choosing the pain of discipline over the ease of distraction. And that’s exactly what delayed gratification is all about.
This brings us to an interesting question: Did some children naturally have more self-control, and thus were destined for success? Or can you learn to develop this important trait?
What Determines Your Ability to Delay Gratification?
Researchers at the University of Rochester decided to replicate the marshmallow experiment, but with an important twist. (You can read the study here.)
Before offering the child the marshmallow, the researchers split the children into two groups.
The first group was exposed to a series of unreliable experiences. For example, the researcher gave the child a small box of crayons and promised to bring a bigger one, but never did. Then the researcher gave the child a small sticker and promised to bring a better selection of stickers, but never did.
Meanwhile, the second group had very reliable experiences. They were promised better crayons and got them. They were told about the better stickers and then they received them.
You can imagine the impact these experiences had on the marshmallow test. The children in the unreliable group had no reason to trust that the researchers would bring a second marshmallow and thus they didn’t wait very long to eat the first one.
Meanwhile, the children in the second group were training their brains to see delayed gratification as a positive. Every time the researcher made a promise and then delivered on it, the child’s brain registered two things: 1) waiting for gratification is worth it and 2) I have the capability to wait. As a result, the second group waited an average of four times longer than the first group.
In other words, the child’s ability to delay gratification and display self-control was not a predetermined trait, but rather was impacted by the experiences and environment that surrounded them. In fact, the effects of the environment were almost instantaneous. Just a few minutes of reliable or unreliable experiences were enough to push the actions of each child in one direction or another.
What can you and I learn from all of this?
How to Become Better at Delaying Gratification
Before we go further, let’s clear one thing up: for one reason or another, the Marshmallow Experiment has become particularly popular. You’ll find it mentioned in nearly every major media outlet. But these studies are just one piece of data, a small insight into the story of success. Human behavior (and life in general) is a lot more complex than that, so let’s not pretend that one choice a four-year-old makes will determine the rest of his or her life.
The studies above do make one thing clear: if you want to succeed at something, at some point you will need to find the ability to be disciplined and take action instead of becoming distracted and doing what’s easy. Success in nearly every field requires you to ignore doing something easier (delaying gratification) in favor of doing something harder (doing the work and putting in your reps).
But the key takeaway here is that even if you don’t feel like you’re good at delaying gratification now, you can train yourself to become better simply by making a few small improvements. In the case of the children in the study, this meant being exposed to a reliable environment where the researcher promised something and then delivered it.
You and I can do the same thing. We can train our ability to delay gratification, just like we can train our muscles in the gym. And you can do it in the same way as the child and the researcher: by promising something small and then delivering. Over and over again until your brain says, 1) yes, it’s worth it to wait and 2) yes, I have the capability to do this.
Here are 4 simple ways to do exactly that:
- Start incredibly small. Make your new habit “so easy you can’t say no.” (Hat tip to Leo Babauta.)
- Improve one thing, by one percent. Do it again tomorrow.
- Use the “Seinfeld Strategy” to maintain consistency.
- Find a way to get started in less than 2 minutes.
While the post is titled as “The Evolution of Indian Matrimony System”, it is better titled as “The Sorry State of Indian Matrimony”.
On a daily basis, thanks to my work, i come across an endless stream of matrimony requests from a lot of people. Many times i wonder why people are finding it so difficult to find a suitable guy/girl for their children. I mean, it should not be too hard to find someone when India is home to a billion+ people. Then it struck me that the problem is not the availability of brides or bridegrooms, the problem lies in the fact that people’s expectations, over the years, has changed. From what it used to be 25 years ago, it is now a crazy world of (sometimes) bizarre expectations. So here is a litle comparion from what is used to be and what it is now.
What it used to be in 90′s:
In the 90′s the primary requirement for a guy (aka bridegroom) was he should have a good job and must be from a good family. For the girls (aka bride) she should be a good homemaker, must come from a good family and must be fairly good looking.
It was as simple as that.
What it is now in the 2000′s:
Fast forward 25 years and this is where it gets crazy. While the listed below are not mentioned in all cases, it is generally agreed that 90% of is talked (and stressed) upon.
A guy should have a good job, good education (preferably from an overseas university), must earn good money (aka lots or financially secure), should own a house or a car or both, must be good looking (for visual reference look at the hottest hero at the moment), must be willing to live separately with the future wife (aka leave all your family behind), should spend quality time with the future wife (in simple terms, no social life without the wife or in other words maintain a fine balance between work and personal life), should not be a smoker, should not be a drinker (though occasional social drink without the knowledge of family is ok), must appreciate the values of the girl, must come from a decent, respectable family, well mannered, respectable, decent and most of all should be in the age group of 24 to 30.
On the other hand, A girl must be slim, good looking (refer to the hottest heroine at the moment), must be working (though not insisted at times), must also be well educated, come from a good family, smart and independent (read should not be nagging), should know to take care of the house (read cooking and other domestic work), family oriented, caring, friendly, should be in the age group of 23 to 28, must be willing to relocate (aka ditch your family, friends and all),
If i have missed anything, do post your comments and let me know.
It is normal to feel angry because generally the reason for anger is out of our control. But it is not necessary to get angry when that is in our control. When things do not work out as one wants, when the other people do not respond as one wants, when someone hurts one’s precious prestige, one does feel angry.
But why vent that anger? How does one express anger? By shouting or by hitting out. It takes too many nerves and too much energy to get angry and shout. Moreover, see what it does to the face. If we see our faces in the mirror while we are angry, we will probably stop being angry. The face is distorted by anger. Nothing in the features and complexion is left that can be called beautiful. The lips snarl. The eyes pucker. The face contorts. The complexion becomes red and purple which are not gainly shades. The red is not the same as the pretty pinkish red when one blushes.
And then we splutter when we are angry. We are not able to pronounce the words carefully and afterwards we keep realizing that this is what we should have said and this is what we shouldn’t have said. And then we regret the cruel words that one wishes one could call back. The barbs one wishes to recall after saying it unthinkingly at the spontaneous burst when hitting out is more important than discretion. Because anger makes one lose control over oneself.
Generally we like to be in control but when we are angry we lose our reasoning power. We lose our humanity and kindness. We can do things when we are angry that we would shudder at in normal circumstances.
We kick, we bite we snarl, we hammer, we can kill too. Anger brings out bestiality and kills all that is soft and tender. Why make ourself expend so much energy as well as spoil our own balance by getting angry? But we do it. We get angry.
At times the stimulus and the response are not in tandem. The ways to express anger can be many. One person may bang the door while another may close it quietly but go away with venom in the heart. Because those who are the preys of anger also get angry. They can’t tolerate a hit at their prestige and so enmity is excited.
So anger achieves nothing but enemies. The fact that one person got angry meant that he could not forgive and forget. The recipient of the anger also cannot forget and forgive and then starts animosity, enemity, revenge and hatred.
All these are negative emotions that corrode the body, heart and mind of human beings. So why nurture them? Why not try to forget the cause of anger? Why not try to stop from reacting? Why not try to forgive the reason for the anger?
If you cannot, then why become a beast while expressing anger? One can still be firm that will be more effective than shouting.
Mothers also have reason to be angry because they have a tough time with their children because, in the process of learning, children do violate discipline. Now, if the mother shouts, after a time, the child becomes used to the shouting and shouting becomes ineffective.
The same goes for beating. Often, students who are beaten by their teachers become immune to slaps and just grin while the teacher is expending his energy in beating them.
If a mother keeps her ‘cool’ despite being angry, she can think out how to tackle her child. She can speak in a firm voice and say that his or her behaviour was unacceptable and ask the child to mend his or her ways.
The right way for the mother is to let the child know that there is a limit to what she can endure and that when she means stop, it means stop or the kid may be punished. This anticipation of punishment is more fearsome and is more effective than actually punishing the child.
When one starts at the bottom of the musical scale, then one has the choice of climbing higher to the higher notes. But if one starts at the highest note, where will the voice go? The same goes about one’s anger.
If you start from the lowest you can speak higher and louder. But when you start at the highest and loudest, you might burst your own vein. Often, people who suffer high blood pressure feel anger quickly but, if they get angry, they can get higher blood pressure. so it is better to react patiently and slowly raise one’s voice than shout from the beginning. Outshouting others can give you momentary satisfaction of a revenge well taken, but it hardly achieves anything substantial.
It is possible to quell anger. One should wait for some time before reacting to a given stimulus. The old cliche of counting up to 10 is really effective. One can try to understand the other’s point of view. Then one will not feel so easily affronted by what the other person has said or done. One can increase one’s confidence.
Those who are really confident, don’t get affected by what other people may say. They know what they are and it does not matter if someone’s opinion is different about them.
But unconfident people and women mostly are very easily touched to the quick by what people say and then they get angry. This is because emotions surmount logic. Becoming reasonable and logical can help in curbing anger.
Moreover, one should be ready to accept that human nature is fallible. If one feels that one can make mistakes and it does not need condemnation, then there will be less cause for anger towards oneself. If one thinks that others can make mistakes and accept that gracefully, then the violence of anger may be less because tolerance will be sharper. So an exercise of patience and tolerance will help in preventing the expression of anger.
Breathing deeply does calm the mind and when the mind is calm it is easier to control the mind from a futile exhibition of anger. Yoga and meditation allow the mind to be cool and tranquil also and prevent undue hassles of anger venting.
An attitude of taking life as it comes makes a person more adept at quelling anger. When we expect life to be problematic, then we will not feel angry when life does not behave properly. So we should have a readiness to believe that bad things can happen to us. At times trying to suppress anger may be harmful because a person may seethe and carry the poison within. So it is best not to react at the moment but talk about the cause of anger in a rational and peaceful frame of mind.
We can be quietly expressive of anger also. For instance, two people are fighting. Both are angry. One is shouting but the other does not raise his voice. Then it would be felt by all the listeners and onlookers that the one who is shouting may be the real culprit who started the fight in the first place whereas it could be that the person who has a lower sound to his voice, may be the real culprit as, in a soft voice, he may be insulting, instigating the other man to a strong reaction. Whatever the anger quotient of a human being, anger is a disease that can cause a person to become sick.
So it is imperative that people try to distance themselves from getting angry or expressing anger. If it festers in the heart and mind, one can first calm down and then talk out the person who is the cause of the anger.
When calamity strikes, we react emotionally and give way to self-pity. This brings haunting fears which pervade thought and action. It poisons the wellsprings of present joy and future happiness. It is a destructive emotion. It parches your outlook, paralyses your capabilities, puts off your accomplishments, prohibits excellence and prevents growth.
Losing part of her leg in an accident at the peak of her dancing career couldn’t hold back actress and dancer Sudha Chandran’s determination and passion for dancing. After the amputation of her right leg, she got a prosthetic Jaipur foot; she started dancing again and performed on stage. This bagged her chance to act and depict her own real-life story in the movies — Mayuri in Telegu and the Hindi version of it Naache Mayuri. She is a dazzling example of a winning spirit against adverse situations.
Change your thinking. T.A. Williams says, “To rectify the distortions which fear creates, introspection is absolutely essential.” Think right and you will find a way out. It is not what befalls you that matters but how you react to it. There are millions of people who have gone under the steamroller of fate. But there are others who, despite repeated blows, have stuck to their guns. They have mastered the art of rolling with the blows. They stagger but they do get up. Learn from them.
Healthy thinking does not kill anyone. It is anxiety which does that. It is not the movement that destroys the machine, it is the friction. Why do depressing and anxious thoughts come back again and again? The reason is that we have locked them into our minds. We also do not purge our memory of the unsavory experiences of the past.
The burdens of anxiety are, in fact, skeletons which tumble out of the memory cupboard at the press of an invisible magic button. If you suffer from this syndrome, shed the notion that you are the victim of circumstances. You are the centre of your own equilibrium. Failure to realize it makes you as ineffective and without will as the weathervane which is swayed by the slightest wind. Tell yourself, “I am not the flotsam and jetsam of ideas. I am the product of my own sculpting.” Look at the lives of those who, despite the heaviest odds and physical handicaps, have achieved success. They have converted regrets into rewards.
Louis Pasteur’s work was accomplished under the most heartbreaking circumstances. At the age of 46 he had suffered a paralytic stroke which handicapped him for the rest of his life. Yet, he achieved a titanic success.
Charles Darwin was plagued by ill-health all his life. He had never known a single day of perfect health. Look at the prodigious volumes of work he produced. “While man sits on the cushions of advantages, he goes to sleep. When pushed, tormented, defeated, he has the chance to learn something. He has been put to his wits, on his manhood, he has gained facts, learnt about his ignorance, it cured the insanity of conceit, has got moderation and real skill,” Emerson said.
Santon Kirkham, who wrote a great book, Shut In while he was confined to bed for more than 26 years says, “As the most barren regions of earth yield something to the botanist and geologist, the most desolate aspects of life are not wholly without interest to the philosopher.”
Beethoven suffered from deafness. He could not hear the melodies he composed. He says in exasperation, “If I were only rid of this affliction, I would embrace the world. No I cannot endure it, I will seize fate by the throat.”
Those who successfully surmount handicaps seize them by the throat. So can you.
Traumatic experiences, failure at work, unsuccessful relationships, insecurities, inferiority complexes, tend to haunt one throughout life, sometimes assuming proportions of a devastating nature.
You find your fingers pulling at your hair. You find yourself pacing up and down your room like a caged animal. You are in a foul mood. You are haunted by a vague feeling of impending doom. Such things happen to all of us. Only situations differ and so does the intensity of the reaction.
10 helpful hints
- When you torment yourself with imaginary fears, reverses and setbacks, you write your epitaph.
- Move on. Don’t yield to self-pity. Acting like a victim threatens your future happiness.
- Eliminate the negative with two simple resolves: ‘I can’ and ‘I will’.
- You carry your worst enemy within yourself. Defeat it.
- Those who live in mental cocoons seldom grow to their full potential.
- Dwell not on gloom. Give up crippling thoughts. Replace them with cheerful ones.
- Your shadow looks menacing when it precedes you, but means nothing when it follows you.
- Self-pity is emotional poison. Purge your thinking of it.
- Don’t think that other people will be as sorry for you as you are for yourself. They may laugh at you.
- Don’t think it is somebody else’s job to get you out of your mess. Do it yourself.
Careless handling of fire crackers may turn a happy Diwali into a terrible tragedy, leading not just to injuries, but sometimes, even death. Even the simple diya can cause terrible burns. So, while you celebrate this wonderful festival of lights, be careful of them and handle them with respect. All accidents due to fireworks occur as a result of carelessness, negligence and ignorance. But these can certainly be avoided by observing some very simple precautions.
- Buy good-quality fireworks which have been legally manufactured. Don’t try to make them at home.
- Light fireworks outside the house, in an open area, taking care to avoid crowded areas. If possible, organize a community display where they are lit by professionals while all of you can sit and watch it. Only one person at a time should light the fireworks.
- Dress appropriately. It is best to avoid synthetic clothes which catch fire easily. Thick cotton clothes are best. Also avoid long flowing garments and trailing scarves and dupattas which can catch fire from diyas and candle which have been placed on the ground.
- Never carry firecrackers in your pockets. Also don’t store or stack them near lighted candles and diyas.
- Never light fireworks while holding them in your hand. Neither must you bend over them while lighting them. You can use a long candle to light them. Keep flower pots and charkhis flat on the ground while lighting. Point rockets away from the house and towards open areas while lighting them. If a firework doesn’t burn properly, don’t go near it, or pick it up in your hands. Sometimes, it could still be live. Throw these duds into a bucket of water to make them safe. Never throw used or misfired crackers into a bonfire.
- Don’t fool around with fireworks. Don’t throw them or point them at people. This is foolhardy and very dangerous.
- Alcohol and fireworks don’t mix. So try to avoid drinking near fireworks and bonfires.
- Never allow children less than five years to hold firecrackers. Always supervise children when they are playing with fireworks. Keep a bucket of water close by.
- In case of burns, immediately pour water on the burnt area. In case of eye burns, splash tap water on the eyes and take the person to a hospital. In case of major burns, try and remove smoldering clothes. If it is sticking to the skin, don’t do anything, but take the victim immediately to the hospital for treatment. It is best to go to a burns specialist or to a major hospital.
- If you have a pet, remember that pets hate bangs and flashes and get very frightened. Closing all curtains and shutting the windows, may help to shut out the light and noise, and keep your pet calm.
Be careful and calm and have a happy and safe Diwali.
Laughter is one of the most useful and pleasant emotions. Laughter instantly relaxes us at three levels, the physical, the mental and the emotional. We laugh because we enjoy ourselves and we enjoy because we laugh.
Laughter releases tonic emotions which through the medium of sympathetic nervous system, cause a sudden nervous discharge and change the physiological reactions of the individual. At the purely physical level, a good laugh wonderfully relaxes muscular tension of the whole body, especially in the chest and abdomen. Inner tensions are speedily relieved. This in turn leads to a deeper rhythm in the respiration, allowing oxygen to circulate more freely through the blood to every part of the body. We are thereby stimulated, tickled and relaxed.
Stress management benefits of laughter:Laughter is the all-time favourite stress-management strategy because it’s free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. More than half of illnesses are related to stress and many of the stressed people turn to smoking, alcohol and drugs. If only they had realised early the importance of laughter in warding off stress they would lead a normal stress-free life.
- Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisone and adrenalin. It also increases the level of health enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.
- Physical release:Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.
- Internal work-out:A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterwards. It even provides a good workout for the heart.
- Distraction:Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions in a more beneficial way than other mere distractions.
Social benefits of laughter:
Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realise these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!
You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies:
- TV and movies:There’s no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment field, both at the theatre and in the aisles of the video stores, as well as at home with TV comedies. While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.
- Laugh with friends:Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter into your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you’ll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you’ll have jokes for reference at later times. Inviting friends over for a party or game night is also a great set-up for laughter and other good feelings.
- Find humour in your life:Instead of complaining about life’s frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it’s ridiculous, realise that you could ‘look back on it and laugh’. Think how it will sound as a story you could tell your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more light-hearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you’ll find you’re less stressed about negative events, and you’ll achieve the health benefits of laughter.
- Fake it until you make it:Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. So smile more, and fake laughter – you’ll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter. Laugh out loud with an open mouth 15 minutes a day, as your way for good health.
Laughter is the best antidote to worries of any kind. A sense of humour is of greatest help in facing difficulties of all types. Laughter dissipates fears and apprehensions and certainly minimises mental strains. The sure deterrent to worry is laughter. All men laugh more or less, but those who laugh the most are the ones who live the longest and enjoy the best health.
The various axioms in use about laughter are well meant.
- Laughter is the best medicine.
- Laughter is still the best medicine.
- Against laughter nothing can stand.
- Laugh out your problems.
- Laughter is the greatest safety valve.
If a good laugh clears the air for the person who laughs, it may also do the same between the people bringing them back to a feeling of stability and normality after tensions have been aroused. Feelings of hatred, bitterness or malice may be instantly dispelled by a well-directed gale of laughter. Laughter is an interacting social phenomenon which invariably exercises a humanizing effect upon all who practise or enjoy it. It is beyond doubt the happiest convulsion which people can summon back again and again as long as sanity prevails.
A smile is a fundamental means of human communication. It helps to preserve a sense of proportion.
Perhaps, the most civilised and mature form of humour is that known to all leaders of men and in improving interpersonal relations. Management by humour is a new approach to the art of human relations. It is the humour which can be used to detense people in order to tide them over difficult or awkward moments and act as a catalyst in motivating people.
People still fear too much for their dignity. There are families where children are brought up to believe that laughter is impolite. Consideration for time, place and people should be given but spontaneous laughter among friends, colleagues and equals is most welcome. Unless laughter is loud enough to be audible to others, it cannot do the maximum good either to the person who laughs or who listens to him or her. In circumstances where a loud laughter will be out of place, a grin, a smile and even a subdued laugh will be of great benefit in relaxing the atmosphere as well the individual.
Laughter is the pleasantest infection in the world and one should be able to share it with others. Most of the good magazines publish jokes or humorous articles to tickle their readers. Laughing clubs have been formed at places, laughing loudly with raised hands in yoga classes for only three times helps a lot in deep breathing and de-stressing.
Many times, there are occasions when one may laugh in private at his own follies. People who cannot laugh at themselves usually take themselves too seriously, or may suffer from a sense of inadequacy which made them refuse to admit that they can be foolish or wrong. No man can ever distinguish himself who could not bear to be laughed at. Those who laugh well, are more sensible and sympathetic than those who show stiff, sad, unsmiling faces and dogged expressions. To be unable to explode spontaneously into rich laughter will be a serious and lasting disability. The man or woman who cannot laugh spontaneously rarely makes a good member of a community.
Do not get upset by a personal joke if it does hit you below the belt. It is better to laugh it out. If possible, turn the joke towards you so that it gives a feeling of laughing at yourself. The situation will be eased. Even a light joke hitting below the belt is always in bad taste and should not be attempted by anyone. It may lead to animosity even between best friends.
One who can laugh is more carefree than others. Laughter is a good indication of good health. A really sick person rarely laughs. Those who can take things lightly in difficult situations lessen their own hardships and those of others around them. However, there are certain dos and don’ts for laughing.
- Laugh when you can.
- Look for an opportunity to laugh.
- Laugh out your troubles.
- Join others in their laughter.
- Do not laugh at others.
- Do not laugh at others’ cost.
- Do not laugh artificially.
- Do not laugh inappropriately.
Male mice can sing like humans, using high pitched love songs to woo females and even spice up their tunes to overcome any competition, a new study has found.
Researchers found the mice have certain brain features, somewhat similar to humans and song-learning birds, which they may use to change their sounds.
“We are claiming that mice have limited versions of the brain and behaviour traits for vocal learning that are found in humans for learning speech and in birds for learning song,” said Duke neurobiologist Erich Jarvis, who led the study. The discovery contradicts scientists’ 60-year-old assumption that mice do not have vocal learning traits at all.
“If we’re not wrong, these findings will be a big boost to scientists studying diseases like autism and anxiety disorders,” said Jarvis, a Howard Hughes Medical Institute investigator.
The research suggests the vocal communication pathways in mice brains are more similar to those in human brains than to sound-making circuits in the brains of chimpanzees and other non-human primates.
When an earthquake shakes the entrails of the oceans, then a tsunami rocks the waters above and devastates the topography of the earth near it. The best way to control a tsunami would thus be not an exterior effort but peace in the depths of the ocean.
Our health also works on the same principle. If the mind is full of tension, and conflict or commotion, discomfort or ill health can affect the whole body. All the parts of the body that are weak can then succumb to the onslaught of the mental upheaval.
While this doesn’t apply to all illnesses, there are many diseases that have their origins in a mind that is not at peace.
Doctors often say that a disease is psychological and the patient resents it because the sickness is causing pain and it is hard to accept that their own minds are responsible for the pain.
For instance, headaches, especially migraines, are often created by the mind. Tensions, worries and conflicts often cause severe health problems like depression, insomnia and ulcers. High blood pressure and cardiac problems are often related to the hyper reaction to happenings in one’s life. Some people become compulsive eaters to quieten their over – wrought brains and may end up having stomach disorders or obesity.
It is common sense to understand this dependence of the body on the mind. The centers of the body are in the brain. When the brain is not in a healthy and tranquil state, then all the nerves, cells and tissues that it controls will also be upset and so become liable to become ill and unhealthy causing illnesses and diseases. So it is essential to keep the mind at peace. There are many ways to keep the mind at peace.
Accept that life will have problems: When people are young, it is usual to have a rose-tinted vision that everything will be hunky dory and they will never have a problem in life. They believe that they will always win and be able to solve all the problems that come before them.
This attitude often leads to later disillusionment. It is better to accept that life will have problems which will at times hurt and even embarrass or humiliate. Being ready for all this acts like a sponge and the mind is not too affected when some disastrous happening occurs.
Don’t expect anything from anyone: Human relationships are the causes of many a mental upset. The lack of a pleasant relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, lop-sided marital relationships, the growing insecurity of live-in relationships where people can just walk out of relationships with out a pang – there are umpteen causes for mental insecurity that can result in mental conflict that can cause physical problems. The best would be not to expect that every human being will be true and genuine.
Negative emotions are enemies of peace: A person should also try to control his negative attitude and always try to be positive. This also includes that one should criticize less and praise more. Emotions like jealousy and envy can upset many a mind and then many a family, especially if the family is a joint one. A positive attitude is always creative rather than destructive and is the best way to keep the mind healthy and then naturally the body will not be affected by ‘emotional atyachar’.
Avoid anger: It is an emotion which not only distorts the face but also distorts the mental make-up of a person. It can not only be hurtful to the object of the anger but the angry persons themselves can hurt them – selves with high blood pressure and associated problems. It is best to breathe deeply and try to curb anger by delaying the response. Then painful utterances will be avoided, hypertension cases will be reduced and so relationships maintained.
Donʼt fear: It can be devastating. Fear can make the mind so weak that everything becomes a problem and when the brain seems unable to face the situation, then the body caves in. Fears can be tackled by people themselves by grit and guts but if they are unable to do so, then they can take the help of a person who cares for them. Facing fear includes that people should be even ready for failure. They should not expect to always win because of the fear of failure and the consequent humiliation.
At times you cannot control your actions, but you can control your reactions: There are two things that can be in front of you, chance or choice. Elder people will often maintain that there is something like chance that is fate or destiny. Others believe that life is molded out of our choices. Whatever it is, it is on us human beings how we deal with an event. Whether we get hyper and rant and rave or we remain calm and composed, it is our choice. Even if the actions of other human beings or destiny are not in our control, how we react to them is in our control. So one can learn to be calm even in the face of adversity. The affected people can see the problem and consider what they can do and make their best efforts. After that they can accept whatever follows knowing that the result is not in their hands rather than fluctuating between hope and despair and becoming a nervous wreck in the bargain.
Do your duty and then leave it to take what shape it can: So people should learn to try their best but then let the events unfold because there are others also who are pitted against you. For example, a student studies very well for an examination, but no one can guarantee the result. Other students have studied also and the result will be decided by who understood the question the best and answered with the most relevance.
Believe that what will happen will be for your own good: So, after making efforts, the best thing is to let the result happen and life takes its course if it is beyond control.
Have faith in yourself: One’s having faith in oneself helps a lot because if there is disappointment and failure, then the self-confidence will give courage to the person to go on trying. Courage is something that keeps the mind confident that it can face any situation. Then there will be less fear and more faith in the self to change the situation.
If a past decision goes bad, then remind yourself that at that, given the time, you did what was best: The human mind is often beset by regret, blame and guilt and that can impair the mental health of a person. It is best to think out objectively and logically before taking a decision. Then even afterwards if it proves to be wrong, stop feeling guilty by reminding yourself that in those circumstances, you took the best decision possible.
Live a life of routine with exercise and a nutritious diet: For a healthy mind, one must have a healthy body. Exercise keeps the muscles working and the heart healthy. The diet should also be nutritious and care should be taken that the balance in the body is maintained where vitamins, chemicals or minerals are concerned. Lack or surplus of sugar can cause problems. Sometimes a drop in health can also be due to lack of potassium in the body. It helps the mind to be healthy when the body is cared for because then life does not appear such a great struggle. Two people may suffer a similar set of painful circumstances. One may buckle, the other may survive. The healthier person has more chances of survival because of more physical endurance which would result in a more positive, optimistic, resolute and determined attitude than a sick person who could easily be depressed because his or her body is not in a fit condition or there is some pain that makes the problem seem more cumbersome.
Meditation helps: The mind can work best when it is quiet and still. Meditation helps in this by helping a person concentrate on something and quieten the brain from other things. Everyone cannot meditate. Then doing something with full concentration is also a form of meditation because the mind then focuses on one thing and is distracted from the points that give tension.
If you can’t help worrying, fix half an hour just to worry and then don’t let yourself worry. Just act. Think less: If the persons are not able to keep their minds still by meditation then they should not worry. There are some people who love to worry. So they can keep aside half an hour and worry as much as they can.
Do something that you like doing: The best way to distract oneself from worries is to do something one loves to do whether it is shifting the furniture in the house, watering the garden, reading, making a new thing, cooking, sleeping, whatever. What is necessary is that the thing being done should be something the person loves doing.
Remember that your mind is the slave of your will: At times one feels that one is not able to control the worrying but the fact is that the mind is a slave of the will. If people use their will-power they can command the mind to behave in a calmer manner. The most important strength in us stems from our will and everyone has it. Some use it, some just surrender without trying.
Learn to be objective and detached: The mind is healthier if it removes the layers of emotion, and subjective feelings and then just sees facts as they are. So it is very helpful if even sensitive and sentimental people start learning to be objective and detached. This can be done by just thinking of the facts of the case and not the feelings attached to the facts.
Make yourself believe that everything will be all right: When facing problems we are beset by misgivings and bad thoughts. A student thinks that he or she might fail and feels miserable. It would help more if he or she makes himself or herself believe that he or she will pass. Often, this makes the thing happen. If by chance it doesn’t, you still have saved yourself from hours of worry and the bad after- effects of worrying.
Take life as a challenge and get ready to take on the challenges head-on. The best is to get up in the morning, stretch and tell yourself, “Now is another day! Let me see what it brings. I am ready to face any challenge, good or bad.” This attitude will give you a readiness to expect adverse situations and make it easier to find the energy and courage to face them.
Don’t react without thinking. Think of the pros and cons and then react: Often, problems happen in human relationships whether at home or at office, where a person says something to be regretted later. The fact is that most people cannot think on the spur of the moment and say things that cause regret, remorse or guilt. Learn to talk to people with questions and suggestions.
Little knowledge is a dangerous thing: Often, life becomes very difficult because of half-baked information. A chance sentence like, “The boss is angry” can give a nervous worker palpitations, whereas when he or she actually goes to the office of the boss, he or she may have a pleasant meeting. This applies mostly to health. Don’t apply snippets you have heard to something that happens to your near and dear ones.
Good luck charms could add that missing magic to your home. Your home is sacred to you; so make it auspicious by bringing positive energy into your home. If things are not working out for you professionally, then a good luck thing may just help. If you are having problems within the family then good luck objects might turn out to be your good omen. No matter how scientifically inclined we become, no one can deny that there is an element of ‘fortune’ to everything we do. Good luck things promise to nurture that element of good fortune in our lives. There are many types of good luck charms that serve different purposes. Let us take a look at a few.
This good luck object belongs to the famous family of Feng Shui articles. They a kind of improvised bells which are Chinese in origin. They are hung from windows or doors so that whenever there is a breeze, they make a chiming sound. This sweet tinkling sound is supposed to keep bad vibes at bay and cultivate positive energy at home. Wind chimes are beautiful good luck things and the sound they make is very pleasing, so even without the aspect of luck they can complement your home decor well.
You must have seen the cute, cuddly Chinese Buddha’s in many homes. These Feng Shui good luck objects will bring wealth, prosperity or happiness into your home depending on which type of Laughing Buddha you are using. A Laughing Buddha should always be kept facing the door so that as soon as you enter, you see the adorable smile and break into a smile yourself! One more thing, it has to be gifted to you; you can’t but it!
Having living fish in your house is good for concentration. Fish, apart from being colorful and interesting to look at are a very potent source of positive energy at home. Observing the movement of the fish is pleasant to the eye and helps your mind focus on important issues.
The Money Plant
One of the oldest members of the lucky plants fraternity, they are grown in a water medium like a jug of water. These plants are abundantly available and grow very quickly. A common mistake people make is to hang money plants from a height as they are beautiful creepers. The shoot of a money plant must always point upwards and only then it brings wealth to the house.
It is believed that if you have a source of flowing water in your house it ensures that you have positive energy at home. Water is the eternal source of life that washes away everything. Flowing water will wash away resentment, grudges, misunderstandings which exist in the family. It can be in the form of a fountain, a waterfall or any other show piece.
The horseshoe is considered very lucky and used to be hung in many homes to protect and attract good fortune for the family residing inside. Many believe that to hang it with the ends pointing upwards is good luck as it acts as a storage container of sorts for any good luck. Others believe that no matter which way you hang the horseshoe, good luck will come.
The Four Leaf Clover
This famously lucky plants hail from the U.S. They are tiny clover plants that miraculously have just four leaves. It scientifically is a mutant variety of the normal clover that is exceptionally rare. The references to this good luck for home plant hark back to the seventeenth century when it was said that, if you accidentally find a four leaf clover, then something good is about to happen to you.
The Lucky Bamboo Plants
These home plants are made in China and have become a rage in India these days. It has become a household name and is considered great Feng Shui for homes. The lucky bamboo plant is basically a bundle of four green bamboo shoots tied together with a red ribbon. It stands for solidarity and oneness in the family. As a good luck plant it is supposed to keep the family together and the fact that makes exotic decoration is an added bonus.